Tuesday, June 21, 2005

The NEW Fantastic 4 (not the movie, don't be mad)

This shyt had me ROLLIN...whoeva came up with the new name for B & J (haha, I made a funny) gets a few points
And the season's other supercouples — TomKat (Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes), BenJen (Ben Affleck and Jennifer Garner), and, er, Beyonzee (Beyoncé and Jay-Z) have their own super-powers. United Nations and NYPD be damned: We've practically got our own untapped Justice League of America in Hollywood! upercouples have always been around, perhaps most notably Elizabeth Taylor and Richard Burton, shining icons of 1960s glamour and glory. But at the time, no one felt the need to morph them into one superbeing. We dubbed them Liz and Dick, not ElizaBur.
We can thank Ben Affleck and Jennifer Lopez (aka Bennifer) for the branding of supercouples. After Lopez renamed herself first Jenny from the Block and then J.Lo, it only made sense that she and her then-beloved also get rechristened. And that's the superpower every superduo possesses: The ability to make us care — deeply, very deeply — even when they are performing such stupefyingly mundane acts as tossing out the trash (Pow!), shopping for groceries (Zap!) or drinking coffee Ka-zam!). After all, it takes such otherworldly calamities as cosmic rays and radioactive spiders to turn most normal folks into costumed saviors. But to turn two stars into a supercouple, all it takes is the nonstop adoration and panting of the public. Here's our celeb comic-book crib sheet:
TOM CRUISE & KATIE HOLMES
ALTER EGOS: Just your typical Scientologist twosome. Tom's currently waging a "War of the Worlds" with the paparazzi; Katie's spreading her wings in "Batman Begins." SUPERPOWERS: Ability to appear immune to skepticism; apparent force field deflects suspicious public. SUPERSTATUS: Engaged. (The rock on her finger
could be named "The Hulk.") ARCHNEMESIS: Overexposure.SUPER-PSYCHIC SAYS: "Frantic passion remains for this budding couple," says Manhattan psychic Dougall Fraser. "They seem to be in a race to make this relationship all it is supposed to be. My prediction is that it may be the shortest marriage for Tom,
and the longest for Katie — at least so far."
BEN AFFLECK & JENNIFER GARNER
ALTER EGOS: Beantown-boy-turned-Oscar-winner & butt-kicking superspy whose "Alias" is well known.SUPERPOWERS: Ability to rebound from failed relationships. SUPERPOWERS: Expecting a superbaby (one part Daredevil, one part Elektra). ARCHNEMESIS: World Poker Tour hitting Boston.SUPER-PSYCHIC SAYS: "Ben is obsessed with other things. Women can't hold a big place in his life," says Manhattan psychic Rochelle Jewel Shapiro. "If they do get married, it won't last. He is too overwhelmed with himself. He has a good heart but is unable to really attach to people."
BRAD PITT & ANGELINA JOLIE
ALTER EGOS:
Mr. & Mrs. Smith from next door. Brad's a wanna-be architect, Angelina's an international do-gooder. SUPERPOWERS: Can ignite foes — and fans — with superhot sexual chemistry. SUPERPOWERS: Still cloaked.ARCHNEMESIS: Angelina's next male co-star. SUPER-PSYCHIC SAYS: "As I tune into their energy, their relationship seems to be coming to a close," says Fraser. "I predict that in early fall, Angelina will meet a new man. He is younger, foreign and works in the music industry. Sadly, it appears that Brad may be nursing a broken heart over the summer."
BEYONCÉ & JAY-Z
ALTER EGOS: The rap world's most wholesome hotties. SUPERPOWERS: Bottomless bank accounts (and wells of talent). SUPERPOWERS: The worst-kept secret in Gotham. ARCHNEMESIS: Any number of "99 Problems."SUPER-PSYCHIC SAYS: "They'll have the summer together, but that's as far as it goes," says Shapiro."He's a potato head, with eyes all over. But it's not his fault — he has women throwing themselves at him, and it's a hard position to be in." With Felissa Benjamin

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